Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
