Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
