Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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