I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
