Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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