Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
