Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
