just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
