winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
