Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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