Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
