I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
try to milk me bitch
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