i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
