Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
