Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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