do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
