I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You've changed since you got that strap on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
