stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
