respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
