Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm passing your future prison.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
