I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
