u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize