eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
