omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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