last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
