I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
