Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
