You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Found the puke drawer
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
