shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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