I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
jump out the window naked night went bad
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
