when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize