she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
as a side note pls kill me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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