slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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