mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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