why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
