it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
