Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
