Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
