when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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