Don't you send me to vm
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
did you just send me my own nude
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
is that a dick in a sweater?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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