im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
