Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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