I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
