what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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