jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
