She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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