On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
