there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
