he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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