i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
