North Korea, Best Korea!
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
