dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
