i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
