Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
