You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
