I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish you could order shots online.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
