I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
