New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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