I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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