Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
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