Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
