My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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