The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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