Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
