My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
