his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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