Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
