We need to rekindle our bromance
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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